It aint about me.

I find myself on Thursday night still chewing on Sundays sermon. I guess it may be safe to say the sermon is still chewing on me. I am thankful for a pastor who preaches from the word. I am thankful that he will preach on things that step on my toes as well as others and it would be easy to skip those passages and find something more appealing and something that would make us feel good about ourselves. This past Sunday wasn't one of those Sundays. I was reminded it aint about me. Man did I need to hear that. I know there was far more to the sermon but trust me I'm still trying to swallow just that part. There were times I was afraid he was gonna call me out by name but he didn't have to. I found it interesting that a friend of mine made a facebook post about the same thing. What really kicked me in the mouth was they weren't at church on Sunday but her status was though they heard the message. This week "its not about me" has come and gone and sorta been like a pebble in your shoe. Its uncomfortable and then you think its gone and then it rolls back under your toes just as uncomfortable as before. I think it really hit me why I have gotten very little out of reading the Bible for the last while. The same reason I haven't gotten as much from church or prayer. I really made it all about me. I wanted to cherry pick the parts of the Bible I wanted to read. The parts I could find to prove my point. I listened to the word preached and what fit I held on to what was uncomfortable I applied to others. I wanted God to agree with me. I wanted God to show me that I was right. I wanted God to reveal to me in his word that what I wanted him to show me. I wanted to pull out the parts I wanted to put in my tool box or gun bag that I may use against others but wanted to leave the parts like love and forgiveness and acceptance and grace out because they didn't fit my agenda. Rather than reading Gods word and trying to apply it to my life I read Gods word trying to find what fit into my life. Rather than trying to become more Christ like I wanted the word to be more about me and where I was.

No one else is the perfect Christian either.

I have not posted much on what I am thankful for even though its November and in preperation of Thanksgiving many are doing such. I am thankful for the transparency of others. Over the past few days I have had huge range or emotions. I have felt hatred, betrayal, disgust, hurt, and regret. I have questioned lots of things. I have questioned trust and allowing others to get close. I have questioned if its all a lie. Ive questioned if I could just be a decent guy without being tied to a nice Christian guy which is a label I wasnt so sure I wanted. What is the hardest to admit is I have questioned religion, God and his existance. ........Ok now that you have stopped and prayed for me I thank you I promise its much needed. I have felt luke warm for quite some time. I have even felt cold a bit. Oddly enough the first time I admitted that I was questioning God the pipes in our kitchen started gurgling. This morning I was thinking about typing this out and again it gurgled. Maybe its a pipe blockage maybe its God telling me Im letting crap crud my thoughts and slow my flow. I am thankful that over the past few days I have had several people check and see if I was ok. I am thankful that I have shared I havent felt much like praying and several have mentioned they understand and would pray for me. I have even thanked someone for asking me to pray for them because I didnt feel much like praying but will always do for others what I wont do for myself. Who I thought I was helping actually helped me by saying they understood and have been there. I think often times its hard to overcome certain situations because on top of everything else guilt of doubt is thrown on the fire. In our minds we think that no one else has ever doubted. That everyone is 100% on fire for God and every answer is a Sunday School answer. Oh what I would give to have that kind of relationship. I would love to have the fire of a new believer. I would love to have the ability to clear my head and heart and worship. I would love to be so focused on God that I couldnt think of anything else even if for only an hour on Sunday. I would love to be able to leave on fire for the week longing to return hungry for more. I know that in order to truly worship we must lay it all down. I feel that when I do I cant let go because I worry it will be picked up and thrown at me. I know that gifts and offering given when the heart isnt where its supposed to be is like filthy rags. I know we should lay down our differences and cling to unites us. Hard when the mind never settles down never takes a break and unable to rest. Its great to know that its ok and Im not the first to fight this battle. This too shall pass.

No Savings account for time

I think its important to live within our means and save for a rainy day. I am beginning to realize that the one thing that matters most can't be put in a savings account for later we must spend it wisely but we must spend it now. Time isn't waiting for any of us. We are not promised tomorrow. Let's not waste today.

Wasted time

Fairly certain if we took the time to talk to the elderly about their biggest regrets in life that time spent with family will be low on the list. I doubt many get to the end of this game and wish they had spent less time with their family or see it as a waste. Can't imagine anyone standing at their loved ones grave and wish they had spent more money on them but plenty who wish they had spent more time.

What is time worth?

The moment when you realize there is nothing you want that money can buy you begin to realize time to enjoy what you have is priceless

Bible - Paper or plastic

I use often use a Bible app on my Iphone. I have found that its a great way to always have a Bible at hand. At home I read a paper Bible but rarely carry one. I began using my phone more once my youngest was born and trying to get everyone to church meant the need to simplify in any way possible.  Well that is until a few weeks ago. I had to take my wifes truck into service. I needed something to read and decided I would take my Bible and review notes from SS and the sermon the day before. I started on my phone and like most folks in the waiting area I gained little attention. I then reached in my backpack and pulled out my Bible. When I did an older gentleman said "I guess I better behave" followed by serveral of remarks and laughts. I was then asked if I was a preacher. I replied no. I was then asked if I was decon. I again replied no. Just a guy that loves Jesus that doesnt read this thing nearly enough. The next thing I know the waiting area had become a open discussion and a place to share my faith. I then realized all of the times Ive read my Bible in public on my phone I have never been able to share anything at all. For all anyone knows Im wasting time on Facebook or some type of forum.  There is something powerful about the sound of pages rustling. I also thought about how my children need to see me turning pages more. They need to know that the Bible is important and relevant and that I need to read it for guidance, strength and hope. Time to quit being a phone surfer and get to a Bible thumper.  

More important than church

I have been in the working world since well before I turned 16. I have never missed a day to go to a ball game, to go to the river, to clean off my porch, to go hunting, to go fishing, to go shopping,to just sleep late, or just because I didn't feel like going. I have used all of these as excuses to not go to church. I have gone to work sick, I have gone to work tired. I have stayed out all night and drove to work and slept in the parking lot because I knew I wouldnt get up.
 I have heard stories of my grandmother holding a mirror under the nostrils of her kids and if they had enough breath to fog a mirror they were well enough for church. I have heard my grandfather tell that his dad stayed home and gave birth to him because my great grandmother had to go teach Sunday school. Ive heard folks talk about their drug problem. When they were younger their mother drug them to church.  As a child I remember there being very few Sundays we didnt go to church. I never remember not going because of the Super Bowl or because it was Summer.
What Im trying to say is church should be a priority. I never remember waking up on Sunday and asking my Mom if we were going to church anymore than I woke up on Monday morning and asking if we were going to work or school. This weekend I chose to stay home because we had started a project on Saturday and  we really wanted to finish. Since then I have felt guilty. I havent felt guilty because I didnt go to church. I dont think you get points for attendance. I feel guilty because to my kids I told them without words that finishing the back yard was more important than church. I know people who can go years without gracing the doors and feel as if they have a right relationship with God. For me my faith isnt that strong. I dont have that strong of faith to be able to feel the need not to attend church. I know folks who dont need church and for them thats great Im not that strong. I need to be around fellow believers. I need to hear the word. I need to sing songs in worship. I need to just be still and know that he is God. I also need my children to know that I am dependent on God and that God is a priority in my life. If God isnt a priority then he isnt God he is simply god. Its easy to make excuses to not go to church but if God is God that is the only excuse I need to go.

1 Corinthians 13 - If I have not love

We should be less concerned with the hands and the feet of fellow believers and more concerned with their heart. All wisdom, wealth and accomplishments mean little if we do not love ourselves and those around us. Who today is hurting and simply needs a smile or a hug? If I have not love I am a just a sounding brass or a tinkling cymbal.

Do I believe in heaven and hell

Just got word a friend lost her grandfather. I immediately grabbed my phone and sent a text among the things I said was "Find peace knowing he is no longer hurting. Find peace knowing this isnt the end and one day you will see him again". I then thought about what I wrote. When someone dies we are quick to say "well they are in a better place", "they have gone on to heaven" the list goes on and on. I got to thinking what if they arent going to heaven. What if we had to stand at the foot of a grave of someone we truly love knowing they busted the gates of hell wide open. Should this not change the way we do everything we do? Should this not change the way we look at everyone we meet. Should this not encourage to overcome whatever wall stands between us and witnessing to those around us especially those we love. If not maybe we need to dig deep and see if we really believe or not. If we really believe Jesus died for our sins so that we could spend eternity in heaven we must also believe there is an alternative. I dont know this thought has crossed my mind several times over the past few months. Either God is God or he isnt.

John 3:16
Romans 3:23 
Romans 6:23 
Romans 10:13 
Romans 10:9-10

Comfort

In deep pain, people don't need logic, advice, encouragement, or even Scripture. They just need you to show up and shut up.- Rick Warren

I know when my Pappy passed I know that folks praying for us helped get us through. I know the countless text and messages helped through out. On the other hand I know the few people who were there physically though they may not have said a world brought great comfort. I know often times I say "I don't know what to say" well I know that nothing I can say will make it better. I also know im guilty of saying ill pray for you and go about my day. Inside feeling as if I've done my duty. Simply saying if you need anything and then hoping no one ask. In a time of loss there is need. Sometimes that need is just looking over and seeing a face who is there, sometimes it's a hug, sometimes it's a shoulder sometimes it's just knowing they care enough to come.

Relax its worth it.

Today Im reminded of a conversation with my grandfather. In the course of our conversation I was telling him how this was going on and that. I was telling him about how this person ticked me off and was and idiot and this situation ticked me off and that resturant ticked me off. In his style he smiled and looked at me and asked "what do all those idiots and situations have in common?". I thought long and hard because I knew I was about to be bitten in the butt. Sure enough I asked and didnt like the answer it was me. I remember coming home that day and looking back through my FB feed. Everyday I was complaining about this and that and this person and that person. When in reality I was the problem. I cant control anyone but me and my reaction to others. When I get to this point I realize several things 1. This world doesnt revolve around me. 2. I can control how I react to the situation and people around me. 3. The only idiot I can change is the one in the mirror. 4. I can always find a reason to get ticked off but I can find a better reason not too.
About this same time I was talking to my uncle about trying to lower my blood pressure. I thought he was gonna bust his gut laughing. "You have high blood pressure? I never would have guessed." In the words of the great Blues Travelers song "it wont mean a thing in a hundred years". Getting excited about a messed up order or service isnt worth dying from a heart attack.

Stolen Mayberry

Today I realize that with the recent crime in our town that I have lost more than I realized. From 1994-1997 I lived in an apartment two blocks from our current home. During that time I never locked my apartment, slept with the windows up and left the keys in my truck. Lastnight double checked that there was nothing that could be stolen from my jeep and that De had locked her truck. I then armed our new security system and went to bed. Stop signs on Lee st which were once a place to stop and greet someone you know is now a hot spot for robbery. While you once looked for someone to wave to we now look for a predator in the shadows. Countless conversations of folks who have never considered a firearms to protect themselves are now wanting opinions, folks who once walked with ipods now walk with mace or dont walk at all. It sad to say these criminals have just robbed three or four they have robbed my community and small town of its security and peace.

Post election pledge

I can not speak for America. I can say that in four years I am determined to be better off. I will not let politics control this. I will better off physically, spiritually, mentally, financially. I will have stronger relationships. I will focus more on being intentional in everything that I do. I hope to make enemies. A man with no enemies rarely stands for anything. I will focus less on the things that are out of my control. Today I will begin my journey to work harder in everything I do. God guide my steps

Pappy

Aug 20 2012

Today the greatest man I have ever known went home to be with Jesus. At the youthful age of 95 William Douglas Sears or simply Pappy passed away this morning. I am thankful to be able to grow up in his shadow and am thankful for each and every memory we share. I am thankful for each lesson I was taught and I hope to one day see in the mirror half the man he walked out before me. Pappy never was much on goodbyes so I guess its Ill "come when you can" and see you down the road.

 

Aug 23 2012

I remember the day of my Granny's funeral that today the day of Pappy's that I would probably have to be put down unable to carry on. I am thankful that God and Pappy worked it out that he would stick around long enough for me to understand the peace that passes all understanding to surround myself in a strength far greater than myself. Today is one of the hardest days of my life. I am going to tr...

y to celebrate the fact that Pappy hurts no more and is in heaven. All while trying to tell the little boy in me that its ok to hurt its ok to feel like a part of me is gone but that its going to be ok and I will one day walk again in his shadow. To find comfort knowing the stories, memories and lessons will walk with me forever to pass on. Doesnt change the fact that Ill never drive down that sandy drive to see an old Ford truck parked outside the cabin next to the pond only to go in to find the one thing in life that has remained constant. Any man will be your friend when you are right a good man will be your friend when you are wrong. It aint how far or how many times you fall its how strong you stand up. Any place my friend aint welcome I aint got no business being. I dont care if you are right or wrong I will defend you to the death either way I just want the truth. I just want to live one day longer than your Granny so that I can take care of her. You better get papers on her boy before someone comes along that will. I am gonna live to be 100 I have talked to God we have a contract at that time we will renegotiate. I am 95 years old and dont have an enemy in the world, I outlived the "people". oh the sayings go on and on.

 

 

Seasons or seasoning

Sitting here thinking about seasons  Maybe its the fact that Spring has changed into Summer but really its deeper than that. I was sitting in church on Memorial Day weekend and thought of how slim the crowd was. I know that some folks are traveling and some are out of town and others just found things they felt were more important. I realize that Sunday mornings are not about fun or preferences but about worship. I then remember when there was nothing I wanted more than to be in Gods house on Sunday. I would leave at noon on Sunday and honestly was excited about coming back next week. I remember feeling fueled and refreshed and excited. Man the feeling I had I couldnt imagine wanting to be anywhere else and thought wow if everyone felt this way how could they want to be anywhere else either . Songs that gave chills of excitement and lessons and sermons that marinated through out and prepared me for the week. I sit here currently on a Saturday afternoon wondering what has changed? Maybe its more about seasoning that season. Maybe its just a season on my journey. Maybe I need spice for revival. Pondering

Good Friday God doesnt need me

Its Good Friday. The only positive religious comment I can muster in my current lukewarm state is. I am thankful that my salvation and my God is not dependent on me or anything I can do but on what He has done. Gods grace is sufficient even when I just aint feeling it. As a Christian this is a very reverent time of year and Im in just not where I need to be. Not really sure at this point. Im trying to figure out what Im holding back and whats standing in the way

Christianity as a hobby

If it were not for an empty grave Christianity would be nothing more than a very time consuming hobby. I dont have time for hobbies.

Fear of failure

Growing up my dad always told me " a man that doesnt make mistakes isnt doing anything". I always laughed and said I must stay pretty busy. I think I have allowed the fear of failure to replace my will to try succeed. I will never reach my full potential at anything untill I realize that failure can be overcome. I dont remember the last time I truly failed. This tells me I am not pushing myself hard enough.

Im a rich man

at a visitation for the sweet sweet grandmother of some friends of ours I had a man make a comment I hope to never forget. Going through the line speaking to family Carter had grown distracted. Cambelle and Carter were being brother and sister and he was climbing on me and she was taking his dog and other general aggravation. On our way out I politely nodded to an elderly fella and asked how he was. At that point he looked at me and said "Im ok and you are a very rich man". I realized that man saw more of me in those few moments than many will ever take the time to realize. While holding one child by the ankle reaching for his toy and another within inches and my wife just ahead he was right. Of course at his age (late 80's early 90's) he could have could not have cared less about my house, my job, my vehicles, vacation homes. Nope the man saw what really matters to me and realizes that all those other things dont matter in the grand scheme of things. I dont know his name but the old man was right and for the reminder I am thankful.

Hunger

If I hungered for Christ like I hunger for lunch I would be a totally different and more effective person. I mean this hunger is real, its gonna influence every decision between now and lunch and while I had something to eat for breakfast I know long for more. Oh yeah and if I only ate on Sunday mornings I would die but you can bet I would never miss a Sunday.