Transparent as pondwater?

I guess most know that pondwater isnt very transparent at all. Well thats who I am to most people while most think they know me I would say none really do. I find humor that with 1536 "friends" on Facebook I dont know one of them I would call in the middle of the night and expect action. Its my fault I have seperated myself from others and dont allow folks to get close. I trust no one. I dont have the courage to allow someone to see the real me.
From the outside I am a happy, outgoing, likeable guy. I am often joked about running for local office. I have made a lifetime of networking and knowing people. I look like I have it all together. I have the American dream wife, kids, house, white picket fence. I live in a small community. I have dealt with and am currently living with depression.
Its a daily journey and from the outside Im perfectly healthy and happy.

Heaven is confusing.

 For the past few Sunday nights I have been participating in a study called Heaven by Randy Alcorn.I think Heaven was a lot easier to understand untill I gave it some thought. Of course the idea of the study is to make us question and make us dig and explore what the Bible says about heaven. I know we have ideas of clouds and angels flying around and such but there is so much more. I think once we begin to question heaven we begin to focus on how awesome its going to be. I for one have just always thought well it will be cool because I will reunite with some folks and Ill get to ask God about some stuff I dont understand. This study has honestly confused me and given me more questions than I had ever had about heaven. I guess with most things we want to learn about there is someone we can ask and who is an expert on the subject. Ok with this we have God we can ask. We have his written word the Bible yet it still leaves a lot of questions.What I have decided is there are a lot of details I dont understand. There are terms I dont understand and a timeline I cant see. I do know this. Imagine when you go to the mountains and you look out over the skyline and you just go WOW, the birth of a child, or that moment at the beach, or maybe that moment where your bride is coming down the isle. That very moment all the details dont matter. For that very moment nothing else matters. We are in absolute awe in absolute wow. All of the planning all of the preconceived ideas we have dont matter. What we see is far greater and far better than we could imagine. Thats how I see heaven.‎
1 Corinthians 2:9
New American Standard Bible (NASB)
9 but just as it is written,
“THINGS WHICH EYE HAS NOT SEEN AND EAR HAS NOT HEARD,
AND which HAVE NOT ENTERED THE HEART OF MAN,
ALL THAT GOD HAS PREPARED FOR THOSE WHO LOVE HIM.

Who do I say that he is?

‎13 Now when Jesus came into the district of Caesarea Philippi, He was asking His disciples, “Who do people say that the Son of Man is?” 14 And they said, “Some say John the Baptist; and others, [a]Elijah; but still others, [b]Jeremiah, or ...one of the prophets.” 15 He *said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” 16 Simon Peter answered, “You are [c]the Christ, the Son of the living God.” 17 And Jesus said to him, “Blessed are you, Simon [d]Barjona, because flesh and blood did not reveal this to you, but My Father who is in heaven. 18 I also say to you that you are [e]Peter, and upon this [f]rock I will build My church; and the gates of Hades will not overpower it. 19 I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; and whatever you bind on earth [g]shall have been bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth [h]shall have.

 

This sorta hit me this morning. Really in a way I had never thought of. I mean Ive been dealing with some stuff lately internally. I have been confronting the fact that sometimes I get caught up in what others are doing. I know there are times I tell my daughter. " I dont care what everybody else is doing, you are my daughter". I feel sometimes God has to smack me and say the same. Its easy to say well so and so this or that. I guess the way the passage hit me this morning is it doesnt matter. When we stand before God he isnt gonna ask me what so and so did he is gonna ask me what I did. When he asked Peter who he said he was the first thing Peter answered is well some folks. Jesus didnt ask him that at that point it wasnt about some folks it was about Peter. I think a lot of times I get caught up in others that I forget sometimes its just about me. I must acknowledge that Christ is the son of the living God. Then will I inherit what he has for me. Its not about who anyone other than me. Its my choice and I have to make that choice but when I do then I will have the rock the foundation in which everything else is to be built.

God wants to be your steering wheel, not just your emergency brake

So many times when things are running smooth we dont need God. When things are going smooth we run and begin to take credit for our actions and do what we want to do to exist in the world. When something happens the first thing we do is lik...e a child and reach for the safety of our father.God wants us to turn to him in times of trouble. Mathew 11:28 says "come to me all who are weary and burdened. Psalm 46:1 (KJV) ” God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.We turn to God in our time of trouble and thats awesome. I just cant help but wonder how sweet life would be (not always easy but more full) if we looked to him in the good times if we used him to guide our path. Psalm 119:105 Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path. If we allowed his word to light our path how many times would we not find ourselves in that situation

Everyone knows me no one knows me

I have all intentions of this becoming a diary of sorts. A chance to share my thoughts I do not have the trust nor the courage to share elsewhere. If you were to ask anyone many would say they are my friend. I am a very "sociable" and popular person. From the outside one would think I have it all together. No one would imagine that I am lonely and such a loner. I think I have distanced myself from other because it doesnt allow them to hurt me. I turst no one and really have no one to talk to so I will share here. Honestly no one to blame but me. Ive pushed others away and  I hope this is a way to clear my head. While I share a lot I believe many would be shocked to know what I dont share. I guess as I begin to trust this blog I will try to share more.